The Night the Music Died

I apologize for not writing last week. It was a bit traumatic in a couple of ways. But One really great thing came of it, which I’ll write about tomorrow!

Let’s start with the election results.

Because I speak my mind and this is my blog.

The main argument, I can’t even call it an argument, the main “concern” I heard was over the second amendment. “I don’t want my gun taken away.” (Which BTW was written to allow, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”) Guatemala, Mexico, and the United States of America are the only 3 countries in the world with constitutions with wording like this.

I am one of the nearly 1.1 million popular vote difference between the presidential nominees. During the previous election, Trump tweeted that “the Electoral College is a disaster for a democracy,” when it looked like Mitt Romney was going to win over President Obama because of the electoral vote over the popular vote! (Wikipedia) What a change of heart when it works in your favor…I think that’s called hypocrisy. Which we’ve seen oh so much of from this guy.

Over One million votes that don’t matter seems pretty strange. Let me be clear, I’m not a huge supporter of either candidate. For the record, I’m a registered Independent and I vote “Working Families,” typically. Yes, that party line is usually the same as the Democratic party. But you need to understand a bit more than just the names on the ballot to know what this all means and I don’t feel the need to teach anyone how the government works right now. Do your own research. I voted for a logical candidate that didn’t run on the platform of hate, discrimination, and fear. Or, ultimately, NEGATIVITY. Which you all know is not my thing.

If you really want to get into that, here is an article you should read about how history is cyclical or, as you may have heard,
TraciEvolve.com


Let’s move on…

The more traumatic event of last week was that I was finally told what caused the death of my best friend. It’s been nearly TWO YEARS since my best friend died and I was finally told what the medical examiner said on Wednesday, November 9, 2016. I really have no interest in getting into the dramatics of how I found out, but when I write my book you’ll get 100% OF THE IN DEPTH DETAILS. The short and sweet, I was called out on a personal level about my business posts on facebook by someone I did consider a friend. (Called out on my pursuit of free enterprise. Something I know for sure the candidate she voted for is 100000% a fan of.) Like I said, I don’t understand the mentality. (It obviously makes no sense because they don’t know what they are supporting and like to shit on their own friends for trying to not be dogs to the “9-5” workforce.) I have very few Great friends at this point, but there are people I put effort into staying in touch with. Mostly that means me asking how they are doing. Well, 99.9% of the time that means me asking how they are doing. It’s not like I had a major surgery a few months ago and everyone checked in to ask me how I was doing while i slowly gained 30 pounds being depressed that my friends cared about me. TraciEvolve.com

But I can only do so much. I can only care and reach out. I can’t do more than that. But I did do way more than that for one person. One person who reached out to me, as I realize more and more, because I was the only person that would do whatever she needed of me. No one else would. She chose me because I didn’t judge her like others did. Because she felt safer being herself with me. And it would be totally okay if she used me how she needed and then she wasn’t there for me when I needed the slightest effort of friendship. But I was always there. Especially on the Sunday night and then Monday when she asked me to come be with her while she went through what she was going through.

Losing my best friend was traumatic, to put it mildly. To be told after two years, by a third party, knowing that her other “best friend” knew (who asked me and I asked her while neither of us was told the truth and questioned for months and months) was hurtful to my core. I am fully aware that she did not hurt herself. I still just can’t understand why it happened.

It’s hard not to feel like I’m being treated like the one to blame. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I was there for her when she needed me. Always. I was she called to spend time with her days before she was gone. Because she needed judgment free comfort. I was worried about her. I didn’t know everything that was going on with her because she wasn’t telling me. All I knew was that my best friend was hurting and asked me to come be with her while she was upset. I didn’t know we would never play Kings again or walk “uptown” or laugh our asses off at ourselves. I never imagined that last kiss on the cheek while she dozed off and asked me not to leave would be the last.  I didn’t realize how much pain she was actually in because she didn’t tell me the whole story and I didn’t know at the time to push to get it.

And now my athletes want to punish me in the face because I push them. Because I see the signs. Because I know, from experience how stress from life can literally kill you if you don’t know how to manage it and it becomes overwhelming. I don’t care if I start tearing up when I tell you how concerned I am because I’m seeing similarities that my best friend showed without me realizing it at the time. I’ve learned from experience that life can kill you if you don’t learn how to manage it and get it out of your head.

This past week would have crushed me if I didn’t learn how to manage stress and my perception of intelligence. I said goodbye to my best friends family this week. I was supportive and lovely towards them. I wrote Christmas cards (Which I rarely do) to her parents. I was open to speaking with all of them because (I thought) they were good people and they decided that I wasn’t (apparently) and I don’t need that kind of energy in my life. I imagine my bf being appalled but never saying it.

I know who I am. I know who my bestie is. I hope her spirit gets to find a way to live the magical life in any way it seems fit.

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 Thank you for sharing your time with me!
Love you, Beautiful People!



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