I’ve been finding many articles or posts about relationships lately. I’ve been struggling with my past relationship. So I believe that the Universe is sending me very strong signals. The problem is that I am confused by them. They make me feel things. They make me feel, “yes, that is exactly what I want from him”. But the “from him” part is supposed to mean my partner, not my ex, yes?
I don’t know if there are many other non-physical ways for a man to hurt a woman as badly as I’ve been hurt. My hope is that no person on earth is hurt as frivolously as I have been. At this point, I can only blame myself for letting his nonchalant attitude affect me one single bit. (It’s been a blurry line of three years or so since we’ve actually broken up. The weekend my best friend died and he utterly failed me is when I actually count as our break-up. Yet we never really stopped talking or seeing each other.)
He affects me constantly. It’s the one thing in the world I will say that I HATE. (I don’t use that word lightly) I plan my free time around his availability because I know his work schedule makes him available from Wed morning until Sunday afternoon. Yet he has utilized his free time less than a dozen times to actually make me a priority. It’s ridiculous, Tracie. I’ve prevented myself from going on dates because of this flaky person. He has like this sixth sense that makes him reach out to me and ask me to hang out on a day that I’ve planned a date. When I’ve barely heard from him in weeks. I’m well beyond the point where I do not cancel dates to accommodate him. Yet the dating scene is just as flaky as this guy has been. Where are the men? Where are the sexy, confident men that want to take you out and get to know you? This guy used to be sexy and confident. Now he’s just one of those drones that are obsessed with the bullshit cell phones that control their lives. I will write more on the subject as the Universe keeps sending me messages. And if I can prevent one beautiful soul from experiencing the crap that I have then my work is valid.
Here is the article that inspired tonight’s post:
“This post was brought to you by Thought Catalog and Quote Catalog.
By Heidi Priebe, author of The First New Universe
I believe in Big Love.
I talk and I date like I don’t.
I don’t have frivolous expectations for romance. I’m not looking to get swept off my feet. I am one of those rare, perhaps slightly jaded individuals who actually likes hookup culture and is happy to live in an age in which monogamy is not necessarily the norm.
But I believe in big love because I’ve had it.
I’ve had that massive love. That all-consuming love. That ‘I can’t believe this exists in the physical realm of this planet’ kind of love.
The kind of love that erupts into an uncontrollable blaze an then simmers down to embers and burns quietly, comfortably, for years. The kind of love they write novels and symphonies about. The kind of love that teaches more than you thought you could ever learn, and gives back infinitely more than it takes.
It is the ‘Love of your life’ kind of love.
And believe it works like this:
If you’re lucky, you get to meet the love of your life. You get to be with them, to learn from them, to give the whole of yourself over to them and allow their influence to change you in unfathomable measures. It’s an experience like nothing else we have on this earth.
But here is what the fairytales won’t tell you – sometimes we meet the loves of our lives, but we do not get to keep them.
We do not get to marry them, to pass our years alongside them, to hold their hands on their deathbeds after a life lived well and together.
We do not always get to hold onto the loves of our lives, because in the real world, love doesn’t conquer all. It doesn’t resolve irreparable differences, it doesn’t triumph over illness and disease, it doesn’t bridge religious rifts or save us from ourselves when we’re corrupting.
We don’t always get to hold onto the loves of our lives because sometimes love is not all that there is. Sometimes you want a tiny country home with three kids and they want a bustling career in the city. Sometimes you have a whole, wide world to go explore and they are scared to venture out of their backyard. Sometimes you have bigger dreams than one another.
Sometimes the biggest, most loving move you can possibly make is to let each other go.
Other times you don’t get a choice.
But here’s another thing they won’t tell you about finding the love of your life: not ending up with them doesn’t disqualify their significance.
Some people can love you more in a year than others could love you in fifty. Some people can teach you more within a single day than others could teach you over the entire course of a lifetime.
Some people come into our lives only for a particular period of time, but make an impact that no one else can ever quite match or replace.
And who are we to call those people anything but the loves of our lives?
Who are we to downplay their significance, to rewrite their memories, to alter the ways in which they changed us for the better, simply because our paths diverged? Who are we to decide that we desperately need to replace them – to find a bigger, better, stronger, more passionate love that we can hold onto for a lifetime?
Maybe we just ought to be grateful that we got to meet these people at all.
That we got to love them. That we got to learn from them. That we got to have our lives expand and flourish as a result of having known them.
Meeting and letting go of the love of your life doesn’t have to be your life’s single greatest tragedy.
If you let it, it can be your greatest blessing.
After all, some people never get to meet them at all.
I’ve had that big love. Even if I wasn’t his. I put everything into it. I committed. I sacrificed. I went beyond where I thought I should have. I got burnt. I got run over. I got tossed aside. Most importantly, I learned the most valuable lesson and I grew as a person, as a woman, and as a lover. I know I could have done better at the start. I was young and unknowing. But I was willing to put in far more effort than you did. I won’t do that again. I know better. I want a man that will love me more than I love him. (My mom says that’s the way to a successful relationship. Besides being a cute, petite blond…He must love me more than I love him.) (Does that sound jaded) Why can’t we love each other equally? I’m not fucked up in the head. I don’t need someone telling me that anything is all my fault. I need a man that will work on himself if he has issues. (At 33 I hope to find a man that has already worked on himself) Self-development is sexy as fuck. If you have no interest in growing and making yourself a better person…MOVE THE FUCK ON. I want to grow together. Experience life.
I’m a little worried that I’ve had the love of my life. When I helped decorate my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary I couldn’t dream of a wedding day, all I dreamt of was a 50th wedding anniversary. (At 33, I’m not sure that will happen.)
I am so grateful that I met this person. That I got to experience the worst hurts of my life. I forgive him for his damages. How can you take all that fuckedupness personally? I thought for the longest time that if he just got his shit together and asked me to marry him that I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ve Finally realized that I could never be happy and settled with someone like that. And I’m glad that I realized that before he wisened up and realized that I was the best thing that was ever available to him. If he married me instead of fucking around, he’d be set for life. He’d have a partner in the household, a determined entrepreneur, a financial wizard, and an all around lifepartner…just to name a few.(I’m not overly confident. I know what I bring to the table.)
If this was my great love, then I am grateful for the powerful lessons I learned. I will never downplay our memories. I will love him forever. Obviously, no matter what. I’ve proven myself to that fact. I just can’t say it anymore. As of Jan 1st, 2017, I will no longer have this person in my life. I am not going to let him trail along in the back of my mind ruining my opportunity to meet the man that will bring me that life I want. A life of trust, comfort, travel, beach-side living, bedroom romps midday, laughter, and confidence in my relationship. I am positive that I can bring everything that I may have been lacking. The question is can you bring the equivalent to this party?
Thank you for sharing your time with me.
I love you, Beautiful People!